Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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