true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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