Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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