Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
