Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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