omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
