I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
