you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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