Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Let's get the cat blown out
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
