Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Found the puke drawer
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
