I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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