By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
