Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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