I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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