We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
