I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
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he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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