i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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