I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize