You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
