just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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