u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
