by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
