youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The Olympian is in my bed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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