uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
