I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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