I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
