I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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