Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
