You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
