WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
