all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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