I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
