How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
