I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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