tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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