well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
