Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's like heaven, but drunker
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
