We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i've created a new STD.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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