Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
