Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
