this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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