I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Shame - the story of my life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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