I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
