I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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