yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Someone signed my nipple.
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