afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
