Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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