Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
