Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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