my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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