Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
