He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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