my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We left an ass print on the piano.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
