Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
