I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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