she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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