um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
