and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
