I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
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You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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