VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
