Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
