M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize