You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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