fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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