how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I supernannyed him into submission
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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