i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just cut my nipple shaving
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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