Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize