Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
