no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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